Wednesday, August 11, 2010

MARGE MEANS BEANS

So last night I decided to have A WHOLE CAN of red kidney beans for dinner. BAD IDEA.  I was farting like mad afterwards, deflating my 5’1 body at the speed of light. They weren’t smelly… nor were they loud. The amount of gas that I passed last night was definitely more than enough to inflate an army of blown up dolls! Aww don’t feel left out! Imma blow u a huge ass balloon! Can’t guarantee that it will fly though!

my breakfast ( left over from last nite ). a few of them exploded in the microwave!!


Red kidney beans contain a type of sugar (oligosaccharides) that can’t be processed by your body. After being mushed by ur tummy, they hop on a shit train and go down to the lower intestines. That’s where the party begins. The local bacteria heart these sugars and pig out on em!This process produces lotsa gases and they eventually leave ur body through your butthole. 




So in a way you are taking the blame for the bacteria, cos it is THEM that are farting, not you! 


tight buttholes=  loud and glorious explosions. 


The TIGHTNESS of ur hole determines the sound of your farts, NOT UR BUTT CHEEKS ok? so dont gimme those fart-clapping- mah- buttcheeks theories! if u wanna mute ur farts,  just sit back , relax ( both ur mind and ur sphincter) and just let the it out!

Now, for those how wanna get revenge on your workmates/in- laws/ enemies at your next meeting/roadtrip/ dinner party, I have got a few tips for you!!!! Eat shit loads of beans (for volume) and other sulfide rich food i.e. meat, cauliflower (important stinky factor) and replace all your liquids with raw eggs!!! Well I haven’t really tested this myself but I am 150% sure that’s IT’S GONNA WORK!!

Goodluck! :)

drew this at dinner before the farting party began!! :D

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